Fear is temporary, regret is forever.

My head is still spinning from the 9 day trip we returned from late Sunday night. It was our mid-semester break, and 18 of us and one South African guide piled into a huge safari truck and took off on the adventure of a lifetime. The company we toured with is called Intrepid Bundu, and they do a number of overland trips in Africa and other continents. Our guide Jimmy was great--very knowledgable and experienced, a quiet guy but I think he enjoyed our energy. We packed so much into such a short trip, and it was honestly one of the best weeks of my life--definitely the most eventful week of my 22nd year of life. Here is a detailed but shortened version of the trip:

Friday 3/18: We leave Cape Town at 6am and drive all day to Knysna, a small, quaint bay town on the coast. We arrive early evening at Island Vibe backpackers, just in time to drive up to a lookout point to watch the sun set. After settling in, a few of us swim in the slightly dirty pool, have dinner at an authentic Moroccan restaurant (my prawns looked like they could have walked off the plate), chat with the bartender for a while who lets us sign the wall of the bar. I wrote "you can sleep when you're dead" on behalf of our group...we then go swimming again and chat for a while around a small bonfire.


The whole group with our awesome truck! I'm front row, second from the left

Saturday 3/19: We wake up early and walk to the waterfront at Knysna to find that everything is closed--still beautiful though! I felt the water there and noticed how much warmer it was compared to Cape Town...we could definitely sense that we were getting closer to the Indian Ocean! We then drove about an hour to the Bloukrans Bridge, home of the world's highest bungy jump (it's in the guinness book of world records!). I had known that this was an optional part of the itinerary and had been trying to mentally prepare myself for it for weeks, but when we got out of the car and saw the bridge I froze. I don't know if words can accurately describe how terrified I was. Just looking at people who I didn't even know jump off made me cringe. After 20 minutes of debating, I decided to just do the bridge walk, so I could at least be out on the bridge when all my friends jumped. I was still tense watching them all jump, but I slowly started to realize how much I really wanted to do it--I knew I would regret it if I didn't, the only problem was that I didn't think it was physically possible for me to jump off that platform. After a lot of support from my friends and all the bungy workers though, I finally conceeded, and after I signed the liability agreement there was no turning back. Before I knew it, my toes were dangling over a 216 meter drop (718 ft), and two men were holding my arms out Titanic style.  The last thing I remember was thinking, "I CAN'T DO THIS!!" and then hearing them shout "Five four three two one BUNGY!" and then I was falling...for five seconds...into nothing. It was a five second free fall, and then three smaller bounces after you spring back. It is so hard to describe the feeling of falling for that long towards the ground--I think mostly because you don't really feel anything. There were no thoughts running through my head at that moment. I felt completely weightless, and free in the most empowering way. It was one of the most terrifying, exciting, and rewarding experiences of my life. I really didn't think I could do it, but I like to think that I conquered one of my biggest fears that day (if only temporarily) and I am truly proud of myself for doing it. I know my mom always told me not to jump off a bridge just because everyone else is doing it, but I guess this was one exception :) We left the bungy place and had another long drive to Cintsa, a tiny little town about 30km outside of East London. We stayed at Buccaneers Backpackers, which looked like a tree-house, tucked away into the trees and overlooking the water. So beautiful, but we got in late and went to bed pretty soon after arriving.

still terrified at this point...

Sunday 3/20 & Monday 3/21: Woke up early and went on a barefoot run on the beach and a quick swim before breakfast. It was a little overcast but still beautiful--I could definitley get used to that morning routine. I saw THE BIGGEST spider I have ever seen in my life in our bathroom...needless to say I do not have a picture to show you but my friend Katie does--not sure I have the guts to post it though. Had a delicious (and free!) breakfast and then hit the road again for another long drive to Coffee Bay. I know that I am going to sound like the boy who cried wolf here because I am always saying how the last place I went was the most beautiful place I've ever been, but this time I really mean it. Coffee Bay, located at the mouth of the Bomvu River in the Transkeii, is the most unique and wonderful place I've ever been. We stayed at the coolest little hippy backpackers called Coffee Shack. It was full of adventurous, laid back people. Coffee Bay was originally a place where the local hippies would go to smoke certain substances, surf and relax, and it has remarkably remained untouched except for a few hostels and one tiny little cafe and shop. I feel like I could write an entire book on our two days there--we woke up both mornings at 6am, walked 10 minutes to the gorgeous, white sanded beaches and fell back asleep for a few hours. Then we swam, had breakfast, went hiking along the coast, swam some more, read, and soaked up every second of sun the day had to offer. After two nights and one and a half days of that, we still weren't ready to leave but we had to say our sad goodbye to our precious Coffee Bay...hopefully I'll make it back there one day. Also, in my extreme state of relaxation I forgot to take any good pictures of the beach, so some from our 10k hike will have to suffice.

Hole-in-the-wall where we hiked



a view overlooking one of the beaches on the hike


Tuesday 3/22: Drove all day to Durban, where we stayed at a backpackers called The Happy Hippo right near the waterfront. I thought that the waterfront was very strange--it had recently been rebuilt and was very tourist friendly, almost disney-land like. We didn't have much time to explore Wednesday night, but we celebrated our friend's birthday in the bar at the hostel and had a blast just bonding with our group.

Wednesday 3/23: Most of our group woke up and went to the Aquarium, located in the disneyland area at the waterfront. I wasn't too excited about this idea, so instead me and my friend Katie woke up early, went running on the boardwalk by the ocean, and then spent around two hours just body surfing the Indian Ocean waves. I don't know how I'll ever go back to the ice cold Pacific Ocean after swimming those waves--it was definitely more fun (and free) than walking through an aquarium. Before hitting the road, our driver Jimmy thought we'd like to see the Indian market, so we spent an hour browsing through the hundreds of spices and goods they were selling. The sights and sounds of this market were incredible, and I had some of the best Indian curry I've ever tasted...I'm getting hungry just thinking about it! After the market we headed for Johannesburg, another long drive. We got in really late to Jo-Burg Backpackers and went straight to bed.



one of the spice vendors at the Indian market

 Thursday 3/24: We split up into two smaller vans this morning for a driving tour of Soweto, an urban area outside of Jo-Burg known for being at the heart of the political struggle during Apartheid and rich in history and culture. The word "Soweto" is an acronym for South Western Townships, and was created mainly to house black mine and industrial workers away from the city centre. We saw the home of Winnie Mandela, one of Desmond Tutu's houses where his son now lives, and the place where Hector Pieterson was killed. Hector was the first casuality of the Soweto uprising--he was only 13 years old when he was shot and killed when the police opened fire on a group of protesting students. There is a musueum dedicated to Hector and the events of that day which we were able to visit, and it was a very powerful and moving experience. The day Hector died, June 16, is now a national holiday called National Youth Day. We also visited Regina Mundi church, another historically political site in Soweto. On our tour of the church the guide pointed out many bullet holes and damages that occured during the many protests and police raids that took place during the uprisings. Regina Mundi is considered the church of the people, and was another historical landmark that I was honored to visit. Other notable visits that day were the Apartheid museum and one of the world cup stadiums. When we got back to the hostel, Katie and I went for a run through a beautiful botanical garden but got locked in at sunset when the gates closed (oops!). We managed to climb a wall to get out, but it was quite the adventure, and one I probably could have done without having reached my fear quota for the week after the bungy.

outside of one of the world cup stadiums in Jo-Burg

Friday 3/25, Saturday 3/26 & Sunday 3/27: Friday we left before sunrise for Kruger park, which was a good 9-10 hour drive in the truck. At Kruger, we stayed at a different campsite Friday and Saturday night, but both were in two person thatched roof bungalos. Surprisingly, our accomodations at the park were nicer than all of the backpackers we stayed in along the way! Over the course of our five safari day drives and one night drive, we saw the following animals: Vervet, Kudu, Impala, Baboon, Lilac Breasted Roller, Waterbuck, African Buffalo, Button-eared Eagle, Warthog, Blacksmith Clover, Egyptian Goose, Rhino, Elephant, Clip Springer, Grass Snake, Skink, Tortise, Yellow Billed Hornbill (Zazu from the Lion King), Hippo (my personal favorite), King Fisher, Fish Eagle, Tawny Eagle, Vultures, Zebra, Giraffe, Cybit, Helmeted Guinea Fowl, Wildebeast, Southern Ground Hornbill, Chameleon, and Hyena. Unfortunately we didn't get to see any cats--our driver Jimmy said it was because it had been raining a lot so the animals (mainly Lions and Leapords) didn't have to move around as much to find water. I, however, was completely satisfied with that long list of sightings, not to mention the beautiful scenery we got to take in while driving around the park. Kruger is one of the largest game reserves in Africa--it covers 7,332 sqaure miles and less than 5% is covered by roads. The animals are truly in their natural habitats, so seeing one right by your car is especially exciting. After a morning game drive on Sunday, we headed back to Jo-Burg to catch our evening flight. On the drive back it was raining--the perfect way to say goodbye to an amazing trip.

  

best picture i took on the safari--the elephants were so close!

 



the awesome pool in kruger



This trip was definitely one of facing fears. Not just the obvious ones (fear of heights, fear of huge ocean waves and cliffs, etc.), but the small ones too, like the fear of being judged, fear of the unknown, and oddly the fear of not being able to communicate with people back home. I left my phone in Cape Town and most of the trip had no idea what time it was (sometimes even what day it was) or if anyone was trying to get ahold of me. It was a really freeing feeling, and while I'm sure I'll re-adopt my texting habit when I get back to the states, it was a good lesson to learn: sometimes technology is a burden that we need to take a break from every once in a while.

Though I wish I could do the trip all over again, it's back to reality (if you can even call it that) for a little while. I'm officially over half way through the trip, which is a scary thought in a lot of ways. I just registered for classes as a SENIOR, and I'm kind of dreading returning to school and all the responsibilities that come with it. Luckily I have over two more months of fun and adventure before I have to think about it! For now, I can't get enough of all that Cape Town has to offer.

Full of Courage and Following Hearts

This past week has been jam packed with new experiences. On Wednesday I was invited to attend a panel/discussion that Gender DynamiX was putting on, and I brought two friends with me. The discussion was about butch lesbianism versus trans men (women who have transitioned to men), and a huge number of people came out to listen and ask questions. I have never been part of such a lively and fascinating discussion. There is a lot of tension in the LGBTI community between butch lesbians and trans men, mostly because neither group understands the other’s perspective. The butch lesbians don’t understand the need to actually transition into a man, and the trans men don’t understand why butch lesbians act and look like men but don’t want to be men. I was asked by my supervisor to take notes on what questions were asked, which was somewhat awkward since many people were speaking Xhosa and the facilitator had to translate for me after every question. Still, it was a great experience and it made me feel even more connected to my site and the work they do there. One of my favorite quote from the night was from one of the trans men, Charlie. He told the story of his transition and in the end said that he learned through that experience that we must follow our hearts instead of dragging them behind us.
The next morning I went with my site co-workers to a march for sex workers rights. I have been to a few protests, but none where I only knew two people, and none in a foreign country (note: this activity was not endorsed by Marquette University…they don’t exactly support their study abroad students becoming political activists). I was somewhat nervous going into it, but it was very organized and civilized, and very energetic. We marched about a mile and a half to the steps of Parliament, where the group leader of SWEAT (sex workers education and advocacy task force) read a legal proposal and handed it to a government employee. Songs were sung, chants were chanted, and everyone went hope feeling happy and motivated—especially me.



The protesters outside of Parliment



Before this weekend I didn’t think I could love South Africa any more…but once again I was proven wrong. We spent the weekend in Hermanus, a beautiful beach town about 80 miles east of Cape Town.  We stayed at a retreat center called Volmoed, meaning “full of courage.”  Volmoed was located inland from Hermanus, tucked away into the most beautiful area—the best way I can describe this property is a playground for outdoorsy people. There were mountains, rivers, and waterfalls within a 45 minute hike of the cabin where we stayed. We stayed in two cabins (one for the girls and one for the boys) which were surprisingly well maintained and very comfortable. I’m telling you, it was summer camp for grown-ups. Our retreat was based on a book we read in preparation for this trip: Reconciliation: Restoring Justice by John de Gruchy, and we were lucky enough to have Prof. de Gruchy join us every day to lead us in discussions based around his book.  Friday evening we met shortly with John and then had some time to explore before dinner. My friend Katie and I went exploring and stumbled upon a huge pack of Baboons who were mating or feeding or something—whatever they were doing was making quite a lot of noise. We had a big pasta dinner and ate on the porch underneath the starts, which come out early in huge numbers. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many stars! We laid out underneath them in the huge grassy field for hours until we fell asleep and decided to move indoors. The next morning a few of us woke up early at 5:15 and hiked to one of the higher mountain peaks on the property to watch the sunrise. It took us about 45 minutes—the hike was not Table Mountain difficult but definitely a sweat-breaker, and well worth the trip. We got to the top in enough time to watch the sun come up over the mountains, and we all just sat there in silence taking in the 360 degree view around us. From our vantage point we could see the ocean, the mountains and the many vineyards in the area. It was probably one of the most beautiful and powerful moments of my life. If I could do that sunrise hike every morning I would be able to give up coffee for good—nothing has ever made me feel so awake! After a quick breakfast and our first session with John, we headed into town for the day. We shopped around the open-air markets, walked along the waterfront, had lunch at a restaurant that was right on the water, swam in the tide pools, and took a much needed nap on the beach. We got home just in time for our second session with John, and after that a few of us took a short (15 minute) hike to this hidden waterfall and swam around for a bit until the sun went down and we got cold. We had another family dinner, roasted s’mores, and called it an early night. Sunday morning was foggy and a little colder, so we decided to forgo the sunset hike and instead do our own thing. I took off on one of the best runs of my life around 7:30 and ended up on the top of the mountain behind the cabins we stayed in. Since arriving in South Africa, I haven’t felt more free than I did in that moment. Not only did I feel safe in the obvious ways (since the property was private we didn’t have to worry about travelling in groups all the time or looking over our shoulders constantly) but there was something about being on the top of a mountain alone that was particularly special. The retreat was definitely a once in a lifetime experience…though I hope to make it back there some day.



Our Cabin is third from the left

So I’ve mentioned our three “sessions” with John de Gruchy, but what did we really talk about? First a word on the book. Reconciliation: Restoring Justice gives away a lot about the book’s content, but there is more to it than just reconciliation. De Gruchy describes the reconciliation process that took place after Apartheid officially ended, once Mandela was elected President. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) was established in order to solve the myriad problems in the wake of the Apartheid regime. The unique thing about the TRC was how successful it was considering the extent to which racial divides had devastated the South African community. In his book, de Gruchy describes this process in detail and uses a religious and ethical language to advocate for justice restoration through reconciliation. Our conversations with Prof. de Gruchy, though driven by the content of the book, took a turn away from the actual text and were directed instead to our own ideas of God, reconciliation, and truth.  I took a lot away from our discussions, but there is one thing that John said that really made an impact on me. We were talking about our definitions of God, and we eventually flipped the question on him. He said that for him, God is a mystery beyond which he cannot conceive, but without which life cannot exist. I thought that was one of the best “non-definitions” of God that I’ve ever heard, and it changed my perspective of God and religion in general. I don’t consider myself a religious person in the conventional sense, but I know that there was something bigger than me present at Volmoed this weekend. If you don’t believe me, just look at the pictures…

Sunrise view #1 (before the sun was up...)



Sunrise view #2



Sunrise view #3

Location of the Baboon sighting



Where we swam in Hermanus





A Very Happy Birthday

Well it's official--I'm an adult! And I couldn't have asked for a better weekend to celebrate my 21st birthday. Friday was my definition of a perfect day. We went to our first class, then straight from UWC we were driven to Kalk Bay, a little fishing town about 40 minutes east of Cape Town. Our Theology professor asked us to go there instead of going to class on Friday to interview people about their experience of Apartheid. We split up into groups of four, and my group found a tiny little pub filled with older locals, aka the perfect interview subjects. The interesting thing about Kalk Bay is that it was essentially unnaffected by the Apartheid, so it remained almost completely integrated while the rest of South Africa was completely divided. Not only did we get to meet some amazing people, we had THE BEST fish and chips (Dad you would have gone crazy) and beer at this pub while looking out at the ocean. After lunch we walked out onto the pier where they were selling fresh fish, talked to some of the local vendors, watched the seals splash around and just took in the amazing view. Needless to say I was a happy camper. Unfortunately I forgot to bring my camera on the trip, so no pictures this time but I'm sure I will be back before too long. Friday night we all (yes, all 19 of my roomates came out to celebrate with me) went to Long Street and had an amazing time. I was so worried before I came here that I wouldn't know anyone well enough by the time my birthday rolled around to ask people to celebrate with me--boy was I wrong! I felt so loved that day by everyone--friends, family, even the taxi driver who sang me happy birthday on the way to Long Street! Thank you to everyone who e-mailed or facebooked me that day, I was definitely feeling the love :)

Saturday was what I like to call a "recovery" day, so we didn't do a whole lot. We did, however, bake the cake that my lovely mother sent with me and it was delicious. We all sat outside after dinner, ate cake and recapped the previous night...thanks mom! Sunday was the icing on the cake. Every Sunday during the summer months, Kirstenbosch Botanical Gardens host outdoor concerts for R50 ($7) and we've been meaning to go for weeks because there are only a few days left when we can actually make it. We got there around 2:30, walked around the gardens for a few hours (which wasn't nearly enough time to see everything--the property is HUGE), and then got a seat when the gates opened. The venue was very similar to the Gorge (for you Washingtonians) but on a much smaller scale and with a huge mountain behind the stage. The concert itself exceeded our expectations too. It was two South African artists, Loyiso and Chad Saaimon who performed, and they were both great. We obviously didn't know any of the songs but it didn't stop us from having a great time. When we got home it was back to reality--I had to write my first essay of the semester and I was not used to having to do actual homework so it took me a little longer than I had anticipated, but I got it done in time regardless.

This week I have started to feel much more connected to my service site. The past few weeks have been slow for various reasons, but this week I feel like I am getting to know the staff better and am taking on more responsibility, which is a great feeling. I am learning so much about the LGBTI community in Cape Town and South Africa in general, and I feel like the work I'm doing here is really important and meaningful. I am also getting involved in some aspects of Gender DynamiX outside of my designated service times. Tonight I'm attending a lecture at the University of Cape Town on transgender masculinity, and tomorrow I am going to a march against human trafficking with my GDX co-workers. There are days when I have to remind myself that my time here isn't all about productivity. In the states, volunteering is usually a fairly organizaed business--you go, you complete a task, and you leave. Here it's sometimes not that efficient, and often I will spend a few hours a day just reading articles and literature about transgenderism and intersexuality. When I am task-less I often feel useless, but that's where the "learning" part of service-learning comes in. What I'm learning from this organization might be more important than what I'm giving to them, and as someone who has been taught that productivity and efficiency are key in every situation, that might be a concept that I will need some time to grasp. 

A similar frustration has come in the form of my classes at UWC, particularly my women's and gender studies class. The class is "Gender and Development," but so far we have barely moved passed a discussion that started on the first day on the difference between sex and gender. This is a fairly elementary concept especially for a class meant for third year students, but the overall close-mindedness of my fellow students has prohibited us from learning anything. Coming from Gonzaga's WGS classes where the overall consesus is that women should have rights (shocking!) and should be able to work outside the home (blasphemy!), this class seems like a complete joke. The sad thing is that it's not. The male students in my class have grown up in homes where the gender roles are clearly outlined, and those lines are not to be crossed under any circumstances. The men will only eat food cooked by their wives, the men will have total control over the finances (even if the woman brings in half or more than half of the income), and the women will be completely responsible for all unpaid work (ie household chores, cooking, childcare). I am struggling less with the fact that this class is devoted almost completely to discussions chalk full of misogyny and ignorance, because I know I can't change the structure of the class itself. I am more concerned with the possibility that the male students in my class will walk away from this semester having learned nothing, and the whole class will have been a waste of time. Going from Gender DynamiX, one of the most open-minded environments I've ever worked in, to WGS 311 is like night and day. I have not given up hope that this class will evolve into a productive use of time and resources, but each week that hope has dissolved just a little.

In absence of pictures this week, I want to re-post something that my theology professor, Chris Ahrends, posted on his blog a year ago. It is especially meaningful to me as I embark on my 21'st year of life, because I am thinking (for the millionth time this week) how lucky I am to be here and to be alive.

I will not die an unlived lifeI will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.

I choose to risk my significance,
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom,
and that which came to me as blossom
goes on as fruit.
-Anonymous